In reply to: AMWDW AnimatedJames and Changing Yourself for the Better

link to the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMwJOT8XCRs

 

So... I watch a lot of YouTube and I don't comment that often but when I do it turns into a book pretty much. Anyway I thought I share (and expand) on my comment to this topic that really hit home for me. I know exactly how AnimatedJames feels. The funny thing is I forgot to touch on how My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic effected me. So... here it goes:

My childhood experiences discouraged me from doing pretty much anything I wanted to do.

for example: if I wanted to read a comic book or manga the other kids would make fun of me and the adults in my life would rip it out of my hands. Also, anime was a big no-no growing up so I am behind most of the anime community.

It didn't help that my parents mainly wanted me to get an education and be able to go to college. They didn't notice that I didn't really get a childhood. They were too busy trying to get me to do my homework while my mind was going a million miles an minute. growing up all of my creative thoughts were repressed and my imagination was left to fend for itself in my mind because I wasn't allowed to really do anything with it because my parents would punish me if I wasn't doing my extremely hard homework that I just had the hardest time doing because I didn't understand the subject.

I wasn't (am not) a slacker in school by any means. I actually do like learning, but I also like being able to understand. It didn't help that my teachers didn't explain the subject fully so that everyone could understand or not at all. Unintentional daydreaming was (is) probably my biggest hindrance. As I said, my mind likes to go a million miles minute. I am constantly thinking and that actually lands me into some trouble with authority figures. It’s not my fault I was born with an over active mind... it just happened.

I went to this very demanding private school growing up where all the students were expected to be a certain way and I just never fit the "perfect" mold. The standers were just never in my reach. So I was bullied (in a way) by both students and faculty. The worst was when I was in 9th grade and finally decided to just not care anymore and to just let myself be myself. This was a bad idea. My teacher that year was the meanest man I had (have) ever met in my educational career. He didn't believe that I'm a bit different in how my brain works and thought I was just being lazy. Anybody who knows me knows for a fact that I am not a lazy person. I'm always doing something even if it isn't productive in the formal sense. I might look like I'm just fooling around on the computer, but I'm at least doing 5 things at a time. He never saw this. all he saw was me flipping through my math book not knowing what to do, or scribbling down words in a notebook, drawing random people in my sketch book, or typing random nonsense on my laptop that I was allowed to bring to school to help me do my work because the device the school system provided me was a piece of junk that crashed and lost all of my work. If another student accused me of being on Facebook during class he would believe them and not even look at my screen to see I was only on word and working on homework or a story. I couldn't even get a good internet connection where our classroom was. I would have to be connected via phone cable. But, he wouldn't believe me. He pretty much banned my laptop and my grades suffered for it.

My classmates weren't any better. There was only 9 of us in 9th grade total (it was a very small school). I was the oldest girl in the entire school and had also been there the longest.

 But, none of that mattered to the cattiness of my fellow classmates especially with this one girl in my class. I would often save candy I had been given for later instead of eating it right away for a sweet craving later on down the road, the girl made fun of me for having a candy factory in my desk. It didn't bother me much the first time she said anything, but she kept at it and over time it drove me insane. She also called me out for being a Goth when at the time I didn't really wear any black, I was just pissed off most of the time. She however wore the black polo, navy skirt, black wool sweater, black nail polish, and black shoes. I would normally wear a red polo (cuz it was the one that looked the best on my full figure and it was the comfiest of all my polo's), khaki pants, red/light grey sweatshirt so I wouldn't freeze in the classroom, and a pair of tannish shoes that I had gotten at the beginning of the year (I can't remember what color they were, maybe black or pink). Talk about the pot totally miss labeling the kettle. All I'm saying is that she needed to look up the definition of Goth before she goes and points fingers.

She also made fun of me for reading an Inuyasha manga during our free time while she would read a book about anthropomorphic mice with swords. I never judged her hobbies, but she was always up in my business. I'm just saying that while she was chastising me for what I'm into she should have just accepted that nobody is into the same exact things as everybody else.

It didn't help that everyone was on her side and I had nobody in my corner. The teacher made me feel like a complete dunce and my classmates made me feel like I was a hardened criminal.

I'd like to say that 9th grade was where all my trouble began, but I'd be wrong. 3rd & 4th were pretty much just as bad, but with a lady teacher and about double the classmates. There were 20 of us and I was out numbered completely. If I even attempted to even be myself I would be chastised. The teacher even banned me from the sandbox which was (at the time) my only joy in life. I stayed in the principal's classroom constantly doing dictionary words or homework. It was better than being in my own class and I kept an ear out for what the older kids were learning.

I wasn't really allowed to be myself until 10th grade when my parents finally saw I was completely miserable and the school was charging them an arm and a leg for a lack luster education that I was supposedly receiving. They then let me go to public school for the first time. And it wasn't just any public school, it was their school! It was the school where they had met and fallen in love at.

It was there where my mind and imagination were free to roam and not be looked up in the deepest recesses of my brain. I was afraid to voice my opinion and my opinion was no longer the unpopular one and my classmates actually liked me because I was different. I actually had friends. And the teachers were as nice as they could be and wanted every student to understand the topic we were learning and it clicked for me. For once in my life I was ahead of the rest of my class and could help other students that were having a hard time. I honestly wish high school never ended and that I could stay as long as I wanted. But, unfortunately, I graduated. Those three years I enjoyed getting up in the morning and going to school. From kindergarten to 9th, my mom had to fight me just to get me out of bed. It just shows how much I hated my private school and how much I enjoyed the public school.

It was at this time in my life when I came across MLP. I had found memories of the first generation and thought I’d give Friendship is Magic a try after seeing the massive fallowing and praise it was receiving. So I found the first episode and decided to see what everyone on the internet was raving about. At first, I thought it was an interesting concept and I shared a few things with Twilight and Rarity (that, and I love Unicorns). But, it was Luna/Nightmare Moon that really struck a chord for me. At first I thought she was a cool villain, but then… she was given a second chance. I like how later on they came back to her and explored her character even more. Her wanting to make friends with the townsfolk of Ponyville and them being afraid of her at first. That… that was me. I went through the same thing. I never really hurt anyone (except by accident and apologized like crazy after wards), but everyone at my private school eventually learned to fear me (except for the kindergarteners and the preschoolers, but you can’t be mean to them). I actually embraced the fear that everyone had for me and hoped they’d leave me alone. But, when I started going to public school, I wanted to change my reputation and not have everyone fear me. At first, I felt invisible and that I couldn’t change anything… but Luna gave me hope that I could… and I did.

Then the two Equestria girls movies came out and I met a new villain I could relate to; Sunset Shimmer. I won’t lie, at one point in my life I did intimidate others to get what I wanted… but, that wasn’t the way to be. And, I was pretty lonely. Changing schools, for me, I guess was my rainbow blast of friendship that (kinda) erases my past. My past is still there and it still haunts me, but now nobody else cares and I’m glad that they don’t. I know exactly how Sunset felt in the second movie; been there, done that, got the t-shirt. But, “my past is not today”. Trying to make friends with a reputation that fallows you is very hard, but the friends you make will stick by you no matter what.

I'm now coming up on my 3rd year of college with no end in sight. I'm glad to see that college and public school are very similar in that the professors want students to learn and the students don't hate you for being different.

Unfortunately, I've been told pretty much since birth that I have to go to college and make a better life for myself. But, that's never been what I wanted to do. I've always wanted to do something with my creative talents and not worry about being financially successful. I never cared about being rich which is what my dad always wanted for me. I just always thought that college just isn't for me, and that's fine, but my parents don't see it that way. All they see is degree equals lots of money. I've never cared about making money and I still don't. They forget that some (most) of the most successful people never went to college. (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and most likely Walt Disney just to name a few)

Don't get me wrong, I like going to college, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to graduate and start making a million dollars a week like my dad thinks. I'm probably going to graduate and get a job that can pay the bills... and that's about it. As much as I complain about school, I decided that my day job would be a History teacher because history has always fascinated me. Teachers don't make much and I'm fine with that. I want to write books and maybe direct movies, that's my overall dream. To entertain people. I don't care about making millions of dollars, I've just always wanted to invoke feelings in others.

My favorite History professor says my life story should be a sitcom or something and I agree, because people like me need a voice in media. People like me are not getting the proper depiction and are more often than not played up for laughs as the comic relief or something and are never the hero that you cheer for. People like me have it harder than everyone else because we see the world differently and nobody understands us.

I really wish that the real world worked like Equestria and that you do what you want and extra school is optional. Well, it is optional in the real world but I never really had a choice because my parents have been breathing down my back telling me I have to go my entire life. If I was a pony living in Equestria; I would not have to go to college and I could spend my days writing as many books as I want and all would be great. My cutimark would probably something along the lines of a quill and a heart for my passion in writing and for my extremely generous nature. I’d probably live somewhere “quite” like Ponyville unless I need to be closer to my publisher. I’d probably have a quaint little cottage or something, nothing to fancy, and live on my own.

One day, I hope that I’ll find a guy that I like and likes me back and get married and stuff. (I would really like to have a kid before I’m 90 and I don’t want to die alone. Is that too much to ask?) I’ve had two (1 really) offers in the past but I wasn’t happy with the 2 guys. Even being around them was a pain. The first guy just wanted to use me for advice while the second, albeit sincere, was just plain annoying. And if I can’t get along with a guy as a friend then there is no way I’m dating him.

Plus I have this little “let’s call it a super power” (Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time) where I can tell what a person is like on the inside with just one look on the outside (I’m not judging books by their covers because I know some people that look like criminals but are some of the sweetest people you would ever meet). And… I’m never wrong. I predicted my best friend getting cheated on by her baby-daddy. I didn’t trust my older cousin’s baby-daddy either and he almost killed the baby. My cousin’s (same cousin) husband as of now robbed a bank and I could tell early on that he is nothing but trouble. It’s a feeling I get when I’m around someone that makes me not trust them. It’s kinda like a tingle up my spine, my throat tightens, my head kinda throbs, and I feel like I’m gonna throw up a little. And then I’m actually introduced to the person. That only happens when I meet someone that I shouldn’t trust, everyone else nothing happens and I’m fine. But, I feel like the person I’m later right about is going to pull out a knife and stab me right then and there. It doesn’t matter what the person looks like, if my body says don’t trust you, I don’t trust you. Simple as that.

I can also see snippets of the future. (Seriously, I’m not lying). Sometimes when I sleep I get these little scenes about everyday life that, when I wake up, make no sense. I once dreamt of a woman I had never met before talking to me and a bunch of other people that I had also never met before except for one of my friend’s brothers. He was sitting beside me. A year later when I finally got to public school; I realized that the woman in my dream was my 10^th & 11^th grade English teacher and the other people were my English class. And wouldn’t you know it. I sat next to my friend’s brother for at least half a year. The funniest thing of all is that, that day, I knew every word my teacher was going to say… and it freaked me out! It always freaks me out. I never know when one of my “visions” is going to come true, so I’m generally caught off guard. My dad keeps trying to dream up the winning lottery numbers, but I keep telling him that my dreams don’t work like that and they are pretty much pointless. Although, my dream about my future English teacher did give me hope for a better tomorrow even though I had no idea who she was at the time of the dream.

I haven’t exaggerated anything and everything I’ve stated is true.

Just saying…

Kayman.