My childhood experiences
discouraged me from doing pretty much anything I wanted to do.
for example: if I wanted to read
a comic book or manga the other kids would make fun of me and the adults in my
life would rip it out of my hands. Also, anime was a big no-no growing up so I
am behind most of the anime community.
It didn't help that my parents
mainly wanted me to get an education and be able to go to college. They didn't
notice that I didn't really get a childhood. They were too busy trying to get
me to do my homework while my mind was going a million miles an minute. growing
up all of my creative thoughts were repressed and my imagination was left to
fend for itself in my mind because I wasn't allowed to really do anything with
it because my parents would punish me if I wasn't doing my extremely hard
homework that I just had the hardest time doing because I didn't understand the
subject.
I wasn't (am not) a slacker in
school by any means. I actually do like learning, but I also like being able to
understand. It didn't help that my teachers didn't explain the subject fully so
that everyone could understand or not at all. Unintentional daydreaming was
(is) probably my biggest hindrance. As I said, my mind likes to go a million
miles minute. I am constantly thinking and that actually lands me into some
trouble with authority figures. It’s not my fault I was born with an over
active mind... it just happened.
I went to this very demanding
private school growing up where all the students were expected to be a certain
way and I just never fit the "perfect" mold. The standers were just
never in my reach. So I was bullied (in a way) by both students and faculty.
The worst was when I was in 9th grade and finally decided to just not care
anymore and to just let myself be myself. This was a bad idea. My teacher that
year was the meanest man I had (have) ever met in my educational career. He
didn't believe that I'm a bit different in how my brain works and thought I was
just being lazy. Anybody who knows me knows for a fact that I am not a lazy
person. I'm always doing something even if it isn't productive in the formal
sense. I might look like I'm just fooling around on the computer, but I'm at
least doing 5 things at a time. He never saw this. all he saw was me flipping
through my math book not knowing what to do, or scribbling down words in a
notebook, drawing random people in my sketch book, or typing random nonsense on
my laptop that I was allowed to bring to school to help me do my work because
the device the school system provided me was a piece of junk that crashed and
lost all of my work. If another student accused me of being on Facebook during
class he would believe them and not even look at my screen to see I was only on
word and working on homework or a story. I couldn't even get a good internet
connection where our classroom was. I would have to be connected via phone
cable. But, he wouldn't believe me. He pretty much banned my laptop and my
grades suffered for it.
My classmates weren't any better.
There was only 9 of us in 9th grade total (it was a very small school). I was
the oldest girl in the entire school and had also been there the longest.
But, none of that mattered to the cattiness of
my fellow classmates especially with this one girl in my class. I would often
save candy I had been given for later instead of eating it right away for a
sweet craving later on down the road, the girl made fun of me for having a
candy factory in my desk. It didn't bother me much the first time she said
anything, but she kept at it and over time it drove me insane. She also called
me out for being a Goth when at the time I didn't really wear any black, I was
just pissed off most of the time. She however wore the black polo, navy skirt,
black wool sweater, black nail polish, and black shoes. I would normally wear a
red polo (cuz it was the one that looked the best on my full figure and it was
the comfiest of all my polo's), khaki pants, red/light grey sweatshirt so I
wouldn't freeze in the classroom, and a pair of tannish shoes that I had gotten
at the beginning of the year (I can't remember what color they were, maybe
black or pink). Talk about the pot totally miss labeling the kettle. All I'm
saying is that she needed to look up the definition of Goth before she goes and
points fingers.
She also made fun of me for
reading an Inuyasha manga during our free time while she would read a book
about anthropomorphic mice with swords. I never judged her hobbies, but she was
always up in my business. I'm just saying that while she was chastising me for
what I'm into she should have just accepted that nobody is into the same exact
things as everybody else.
It didn't help that everyone was
on her side and I had nobody in my corner. The teacher made me feel like a
complete dunce and my classmates made me feel like I was a hardened criminal.
I'd like to say that 9th grade
was where all my trouble began, but I'd be wrong. 3rd & 4th were pretty
much just as bad, but with a lady teacher and about double the classmates.
There were 20 of us and I was out numbered completely. If I even attempted to
even be myself I would be chastised. The teacher even banned me from the
sandbox which was (at the time) my only joy in life. I stayed in the
principal's classroom constantly doing dictionary words or homework. It was
better than being in my own class and I kept an ear out for what the older kids
were learning.
I wasn't really allowed to be
myself until 10th grade when my parents finally saw I was completely miserable
and the school was charging them an arm and a leg for a lack luster education
that I was supposedly receiving. They then let me go to public school for the
first time. And it wasn't just any public school, it was their school! It was
the school where they had met and fallen in love at.
It was there where my mind and
imagination were free to roam and not be looked up in the deepest recesses of
my brain. I was afraid to voice my opinion and my opinion was no longer the
unpopular one and my classmates actually liked me because I was different. I
actually had friends. And the teachers were as nice as they could be and wanted
every student to understand the topic we were learning and it clicked for me.
For once in my life I was ahead of the rest of my class and could help other
students that were having a hard time. I honestly wish high school never ended
and that I could stay as long as I wanted. But, unfortunately, I graduated.
Those three years I enjoyed getting up in the morning and going to school. From
kindergarten to 9th, my mom had to fight me just to get me out of bed. It just
shows how much I hated my private school and how much I enjoyed the public
school.
It was at this time in my life
when I came across MLP. I had found memories of the first generation and
thought I’d give Friendship is Magic a try after seeing the massive fallowing
and praise it was receiving. So I found the first episode and decided to see what
everyone on the internet was raving about. At first, I thought it was an
interesting concept and I shared a few things with Twilight and Rarity (that,
and I love Unicorns). But, it was Luna/Nightmare Moon that really struck a chord
for me. At first I thought she was a cool villain, but then… she was given a
second chance. I like how later on they came back to her and explored her character
even more. Her wanting to make friends with the townsfolk of Ponyville and them
being afraid of her at first. That… that was me. I went through the same thing.
I never really hurt anyone (except by accident and apologized like crazy after
wards), but everyone at my private school eventually learned to fear me (except
for the kindergarteners and the preschoolers, but you can’t be mean to them). I
actually embraced the fear that everyone had for me and hoped they’d leave me
alone. But, when I started going to public school, I wanted to change my
reputation and not have everyone fear me. At first, I felt invisible and that I
couldn’t change anything… but Luna gave me hope that I could… and I did.
Then the two Equestria girls movies
came out and I met a new villain I could relate to; Sunset Shimmer. I won’t
lie, at one point in my life I did intimidate others to get what I wanted… but,
that wasn’t the way to be. And, I was pretty lonely. Changing schools, for me, I
guess was my rainbow blast of friendship that (kinda) erases my past. My past
is still there and it still haunts me, but now nobody else cares and I’m glad
that they don’t. I know exactly how Sunset felt in the second movie; been
there, done that, got the t-shirt. But, “my past is not today”. Trying to make
friends with a reputation that fallows you is very hard, but the friends you
make will stick by you no matter what.
I'm now coming up on my 3rd year
of college with no end in sight. I'm glad to see that college and public school
are very similar in that the professors want students to learn and the students
don't hate you for being different.
Unfortunately, I've been told
pretty much since birth that I have to go to college and make a better life for
myself. But, that's never been what I wanted to do. I've always wanted to do
something with my creative talents and not worry about being financially
successful. I never cared about being rich which is what my dad always wanted
for me. I just always thought that college just isn't for me, and that's fine,
but my parents don't see it that way. All they see is degree equals lots of money.
I've never cared about making money and I still don't. They forget that some
(most) of the most successful people never went to college. (Bill Gates, Steve
Jobs, and most likely Walt Disney just to name a few)
Don't get me wrong, I like going
to college, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to graduate and start making a
million dollars a week like my dad thinks. I'm probably going to graduate and
get a job that can pay the bills... and that's about it. As much as I complain
about school, I decided that my day job would be a History teacher because
history has always fascinated me. Teachers don't make much and I'm fine with
that. I want to write books and maybe direct movies, that's my overall dream.
To entertain people. I don't care about making millions of dollars, I've just
always wanted to invoke feelings in others.
My favorite History professor
says my life story should be a sitcom or something and I agree, because people
like me need a voice in media. People like me are not getting the proper
depiction and are more often than not played up for laughs as the comic relief or
something and are never the hero that you cheer for. People like me have it
harder than everyone else because we see the world differently and nobody
understands us.
I really wish that the real world
worked like Equestria and that you do what you want and extra school is
optional. Well, it is optional in the real world but I never really had a
choice because my parents have been breathing down my back telling me I have to
go my entire life. If I was a pony living in Equestria; I would not have to go
to college and I could spend my days writing as many books as I want and all
would be great. My cutimark would probably something along the lines of a quill
and a heart for my passion in writing and for my extremely generous nature. I’d
probably live somewhere “quite” like Ponyville unless I need to be closer to my
publisher. I’d probably have a quaint little cottage or something, nothing to
fancy, and live on my own.
One day, I hope that I’ll find a
guy that I like and likes me back and get married and stuff. (I would really
like to have a kid before I’m 90 and I don’t want to die alone. Is that too
much to ask?) I’ve had two (1 really) offers in the past but I wasn’t happy
with the 2 guys. Even being around them was a pain. The first guy just wanted
to use me for advice while the second, albeit sincere, was just plain annoying.
And if I can’t get along with a guy as a friend then there is no way I’m dating
him.
Plus I have this little “let’s
call it a super power” (Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time) where I can tell what
a person is like on the inside with just one look on the outside (I’m not judging
books by their covers because I know some people that look like criminals but
are some of the sweetest people you would ever meet). And… I’m never wrong. I predicted
my best friend getting cheated on by her baby-daddy. I didn’t trust my older
cousin’s baby-daddy either and he almost killed the baby. My cousin’s (same
cousin) husband as of now robbed a bank and I could tell early on that he is
nothing but trouble. It’s a feeling I get when I’m around someone that makes me
not trust them. It’s kinda like a tingle up my spine, my throat tightens, my
head kinda throbs, and I feel like I’m gonna throw up a little. And then I’m actually
introduced to the person. That only happens when I meet someone that I shouldn’t
trust, everyone else nothing happens and I’m fine. But, I feel like the person I’m
later right about is going to pull out a knife and stab me right then and
there. It doesn’t matter what the person looks like, if my body says don’t
trust you, I don’t trust you. Simple as that.
I can also see snippets of the
future. (Seriously, I’m not lying). Sometimes when I sleep I get these little scenes
about everyday life that, when I wake up, make no sense. I once dreamt of a
woman I had never met before talking to me and a bunch of other people that I had
also never met before except for one of my friend’s brothers. He was sitting
beside me. A year later when I finally got to public school; I realized that
the woman in my dream was my 10th & 11th grade English
teacher and the other people were my English class. And wouldn’t you know it. I
sat next to my friend’s brother for at least half a year. The funniest thing of
all is that, that day, I knew every word my teacher was going to say… and it
freaked me out! It always freaks me out. I never know when one of my “visions”
is going to come true, so I’m generally caught off guard. My dad keeps trying
to dream up the winning lottery numbers, but I keep telling him that my dreams
don’t work like that and they are pretty much pointless. Although, my dream
about my future English teacher did give me hope for a better tomorrow even
though I had no idea who she was at the time of the dream.
I haven’t exaggerated anything
and everything I’ve stated is true.
Just saying…
Kayman.
